3 Specific Ideas/ Thoughts:

• Transitions from thought to thought, make more clear transitions from one thought to another and connect all thoughts.
• cuddy doesn’t actually use the word discourse in her speech so make it clear that what she is saying is an example of discourse instead of using the word discourse to explain her thoughts.
•  focusing on what I want to say, I don’t need certain examples, go straight to the point instead of trying to use examples to make my thoughts more clear.

T – Transition:

Using Barclays formula, I am focusing on two main topics in his formula. One being transitions. I felt throughout my essay, I was almost jumping around from idea to idea and I think that by using transitions more, it will make my essay flow more. Transitions are huge part of organization in a paper because without smooth transitions, its hard to clearly understand what you’re trying to say. Transitions are what connect each idea from one to another and I think that transitions aren’t really existent in my paper. By adding smooth transitions, it will make it easier for me to clear up my points and make it so that I can shorten and clear up any points that are running on.

EQ1Q2CL – Your explanation of how the passages work together to support, complicate or develop your claim:

I’m using this part of Barclays formula to support my reasoning to shorten and clear up what I’m trying to say. I need to focus on what I’m really trying to say instead of using examples from my experiences in life, I should relate it back to the pieces of writing backing up my claim. I found myself steering off topic and I think this part of the formula will help me realize what I need in my essay and what I don’t. When looking over the comments from peers, I found that yes they can relate to my reasoning for using this quote or phrase but I found that I necessarily don’t need those examples to prove my point. If I’m going to use examples, I should use examples from Cuddy and Gee’s writing instead because I know for sure it makes sense with what I am trying to compare it to.

Gee breaks Discourses into two theorems, the first talking about how “Discourses are not like languages…” and how Discourses are like languages but he also contradicts his own argument. He compares it to speaking english, “Someone can speak English, but not fluently. However, someone cannot engage in a less than fully fluent manner. You are either in it or you’re not.” He contradicts his own argument later in his article by saying “Mushfake”, a resistance, and meta-knowledge: this seems to me like a good combination for successful students and successful social change.”. This is pretty much saying “fake it ‘till you make it” which basically contradicts “you’re either in it or you’re not”. Cuddy does relate “faking it ‘till you make it” in her TED talk. She once thought that she couldn’t make it in life but she learned to “fake it ‘till you make it”. Cuddy then had a student who came up to her saying that she didn’t feel she wanted participate in class and felt completely defeated. Cuddy related so much to how she felt and she realized “…oh my gosh, I don’t feel like that anymore. I don’t feel that anymore, and she does, and I get that feeling…so I was like, “Yes, you are! You are supposed to be here! And tomorrow you’re going to fake it, you’re going to make yourself powerful, and…you’re going to go into the classroom, and you are going to give the best comment ever.” This can help back up the fact that when “getting into” a Discourse, you sometimes have to “fake it ‘till you make it”. Cuddy doesn’t necessarily think “fake it ‘till you make it” but rather “fake it ‘till you become it”. So when you’re in a situation where you want to join a Discourse, you should stand up for yourself and just do it, “fake it ‘till you become it”.

 

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