Original:

Haas’ article relates to discourse. She states “A great number of studies of science have focused on discourse – conversations and lab notes as well as conference presentations and formal articles…”, which relates to Gees article on Discourse. Throughout her article, she talks about her study on Eliza. She studied the growth of her scientific writing throughout Eliza’s college career. She found that with time her writing became gradually better and it is commonly this way with college students, especially in the Biology field.

Revised:

As stated in Haas’ article related to discourse “a great number of studies of science have focused on discourse – conversations and lab notes as well as conference presentations and formal articles…”, which also relates to Gees article on Discourse. Throughout her article, she describes what exactly she studied about Eliza; how she grew writing scientifically throughout her college career. She found that with time her writing became gradually better and it’s commonly this way with college students, especially in the Biology field.